Truth
Do you show who you truly are to those around you? How often do we all really do this? How often do you? Do you walk through daily life as your full self? Are there some circles or people or co-workers you do this with and others where you do not? Do you let others see what you have to offer? Do you feel that some things shouldn’t be shown, aren’t interesting for your bosses, colleagues, friends or perspective companies you may want to work for or the partner you hope to attract or grow with? The truth is.. these may be the most important questions you ask yourself as you move forward in life, work and career. And, the answers, open the truth up and give you a clear place to start moving towards a life more aligned with you as you are, not as you feel you are expected to be.
Reality
If you are being yourself in all that you do, even in your personal life, with those you most want to attract, then, that is impressive! Most of us have aspects of ourselves that we keep well hidden for various reasons and this has great effect on who and what we attract into our lives. In the end, we attract people, work and experiences that ultimately aren’t what we were hoping for, aren’t aligned with us and this has a strong ripple effect throughout all areas of your life.
For years, I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t pick the right partners, or ended up in jobs that seemed to see me or expect me to be something I wasn’t. Many felt they didn’t have what they 1st saw in me, which was a tough, dominant woman who would make all the decisions for them. They found my sensitivity to the world to be annoying and in the end we would stop being satisfied in our relationship at work/home and in the end would break. It took some time for me to realize the gift in this. And, slowly as more consciousness around actions and impressions grew, so did the satisfaction at work and private life.
Ripple effect
The ripple effect that most usually happens when we aren’t fully ourselves in life and work is that we attract things that don’t align with who we are and our core values. As a result, we end up often being disappointed, losing energy in work and situations we aren’t happy in and ultimately aren’t “well used” and we find ourselves many times wishing for something we don’t yet have. Of course, the effect on the other side of the equation as well breaks confidence and if we do not look at things with open eyes and only see that we are being rejected for who we truly are, we only see the rejections and disconnection and not the whole picture..which is our piece in this and keeping integrity to ourselves..which often isn’t the case.
Being “Well used”
I love this term! At 1st we often think of the term “used” as being a bit off or even negative. Who wants to be used.. or even “well used”. Yet, don’t all of us truly want this? Are you crazy?!, you might think. I don’t want to be used. Are you sure? Who doesn’t want all of their gifts and natural talents used in daily life and in their work? What if all the things you were good at and enjoyed could be used on a daily basis in your work and life? Wouldn’t that be the best possible scenario? Why? Because it wouldn’t always feel like work. You would be doing the things you are good at, feel a talent for and enjoy. That isn’t to say that some days you wouldn’t be learning new things or doing things that you aren’t in love with. Yet, overall.. you would be “well used”, not filling time, or feeling like you are being wasted in a job that doesn’t allow your full growth and the ever over used word..”potential”. We tend to have a habit, without even realizing it, of ending up in similar jobs and relationships with people over and over again, NOT being well used, or for that matter, appreciated. What is stopping you from stepping out and going for it?
Repeated patterns
“How did I end up here, again?” Ever heard yourself say this? I can’t say how many times in life and work I came across this thought and often connected to, “didn’t I already sort through that life lesson?” Nothing more annoying than finding yourself in a similar situation, job or relationship that is all too familiar and usually there is a bit of sigh that comes with that realization and energy levels go down as our shoulders sink and we remember what happened the last time. We may ask ourselves what didn’t we do right before, that has us landed right back here, again! If we have a lesson to learn, we will keep living that over and over until we “get it”. Don’t worry there is hope. Sometimes, being in this pattern serves us in some way and we may not leave it, in this lifetime. If that is where it is, there is where it is. Yet, you DO have a choice:).
Breaking free of the patterns
Freeing yourself from old patterns that don’t suit your best interests or allow full energy for life, can be tricky. Not impossible to conquer, yet will take consistent work and trust (mostly in yourself) and focus. Patience is the first key. That, and realizing that we won’t necessarily “change” who we are, but will find the way to work with who we are.. a very different intention for ourselves. Repeating new actions and ways of being, thinking, reacting and doing in the world.. is very strong work, yet with time and slow movement forward (or fast as some of you prefer and are able).. can happen with anyone. The mind is a powerful thing and has been used to the old ways, so will play tricks on you and you have to be persistent. Changing actions and thought patterns is as challenging as stopping any addiction.
A great start, is giving ourselves a break and actually showing people who we really are. Allowing things to move differently and more naturally. It takes great courage and strength to be willing to be conscious and see yourself for who you are and find the best way to connect that person with the world.
Courage
Courage sounds like we need to aim a sword out in front of us and charge forward with a big voice screaming as we run into the wild scary arms of the world. Of course, it doesn’t have to be this dramatic. Yet, it does often feel like this, anyway. Doing anything differently is often uncomfortable at 1st and won’t be as easy as falling into old patterns of being the person we think people “expect”, “want” or hardest of all.. what they are “used to”. We have many times been taught in commercials on tv, movies, in our own family and schools that we “should be” a certain way, according to the expectations of those nearby. Yes, we have to find the best way to work with who and what is around us, yet it does not mean that we have to get lost in the mix. When we get lost, or allow ourselves to get lost, we lose power, energy and motivation and self esteem and confidence wane. At some point, we have to chose ourselves.
Lost and Found
Stop, getting lost. Start, getting found. Allow yourself to come though in ways you might not have before. Experiment in situations that feel safe, to start with, then move out into other areas of your life that feel like more of a risk. Start with anything that you do that in actuality, you really don’t even like, but find yourself doing because you feel you “should” or have somehow gotten into the habit of acting like or doing. Move into things that you feel are weaknesses.. and turn them around and play with them as your “Strengths”. Imagine this. What would that be like? What if you acted the way you do around the person you are most comfortable with on this planet.. with everyone? Might you not attract a job and partner that fits who you “Actually Are” and not who they think you are? What would that look like? Feel like? Even if you can’t imagine it, wouldn’t it be a great life to be more aligned in your work and in your relationships and your core values of your inner self?
Keep self Integrity to get what you deserve
There will be a reaction to your changes. People will light up and be excited by what they see and shake their heads in amazement. And, as well, people will push back, saying, “you aren’t being you” and so on and that is because they don’t recognize you, aren’t sure what to do, have gotten used to your previous role in their life, aren’t sure what to make of it, wonder why you didn’t feel comfortable to do this before, question your relationship and more. I am not trying to scare you. Yet, if you really want work on yourself with full integrity and bring this into your private and work relationships, so that they are more connected and aligned with your true nature, needs and more.. then be ready for the unknown. Brace yourself, take a deep breath and exhale, hold strong, perhaps be ready to let go of some friendships, some jobs and allow new things to happen and come and unexpected people who will welcome all of “you”. Integrity to self is one of the most challenging and rewarding choices you can make in your life. It will require looking at the truth, reality, being aware of the ripple effect, allowing yourself to be “well used”, opening your eyes to old patterns and being willing to work with them, having courage to be both lost and found.. and seeing the true value and worth and energy that comes with keeping true integrity to self. Jump in. The water is fine.