Ariel Green Balanced Life Coaching: “No Bullies please.”-Take action

Whether at school or in the office, bullies effect our well being and can’t be tolerated.  Can we simply order up a better situation, just like that? Yes, “no bullies, please.”

Yet, is it really only about them?  We have to stop looking outside of ourselves for answers/solutions and effect changes on our own. Yes, it’s important that others know what’s going on, yet isn’t there more to it?

Create Change:
When you think of change, what is the first thing you think of?  That needs to change. This needs to change.  What about, ‘I’ need to change?

All too often we look outside of ourselves.  Hoping “something will change”.  Please, let this be better, different, what I imagine.  We give our power away to the unknown, hopeful and dreaming that we might be heard, that if we think it hard enough it might just “be” one we’d seen it in our minds.

What would happen if we made the change?
What if we took that power back?  What if  you or I made the changes 1st, something that could ripple out and effect those around us, something to effect a shift, movement, newness, hope and possibility around us?

How does that look?
Perhaps you have a feeling to do something but it seems to make no sense, but you do it anyway.  Maybe it’s something small, maybe something bigger comes to mind, yet you do this thing because you have the feeling to, and that’s enough.

Sounds to vague? I am talking about following your intuition.  Effecting change through something that comes to you. Your gut feeling about something.  Take action, stop waiting for something or someone else to start the ball rolling.

Maybe what you are wishing for is a more positive environment, yet it feels out of your control.  Perhaps, you get the feeling to do 1 small thing each day for someone without their asking. It doesn’t have to be the same person. It doesn’t have to be anything exciting. It can be as simple as taking their cup to the kitchen.  Bringing someone more paper when you see they’re out. Sharing your cookies or holding the door for the person you never talk with.

These little things DO ripple out, do make a difference in the general state of things and you’ll notice that your feeling alone is improving.  It’s not about someone doing it back to you. Maybe they’ll do it for someone else, yet it WILL effect change.

I can tell you from experience that this works time and again. Sometimes, it takes minutes, other times years, yet I’ve never experienced failure here:).

Where this theory started-flashback:
While in school I experimented with my theory of effecting change for the first time.  There was a girl that seemed determined to make the new girl (that was me), as miserable as possible.  I won’t go into details, let’s just say that some of the things you see in those teen movies aren’t so untrue:).

We’d never spoken, so it didn’t make sense that she didn’t like me, since she didn’t know me. So, I decided to do things my way to get things to turn around.  The whole mess seemed a waste of everyone’s energy and wasn’t making for a positive environment for anyone. Something twinkled in my mind, and I decided to follow it.  Kill her with kindness:) (It’s a powerful tool:).

What did I do?
I was the TA (Teacher’s Aid) for her history class.  She wasn’t doing very well at first, yet since I was marking the papers.. I decided to put encouraging marks on her work anyway..  “Good try”, “getting better” “much improved”, “you’re going to rock the next test” and so on. I don’t think she even knew it was me.  Even though between classes she was making my life a small hell, I continued on, sure that if someone was being good to her, perhaps she’d settle down a bit and she couldn’t have been happy to be making others so unhappy. That was my theory, anyway:).

When she’d scream crazy things my way, I’d just smile and find something, anything to compliment her on. It had to be something I really meant, had to be real, yet I’d do it every time.  This went on for months.  “@$(%&%”, she’d scream. I’d return with” blue is such a good color for you”. “*&@*~”, she’d say. And, I’d smile with, “you did really well in softball, last weekend. Well, done”.  You can imagine the cocked head, strange expression, the confusion, yet I didn’t stop there. She acted like it didn’t effect her, yet I felt I was to continue, so I did.

In the end

Strangely enough, by the end of that year, she had radically shifted. She never gave me a clue that it had happened.  One day, she just walked up to me and asked if I would sign her yearbook. OK, it might sound a bit silly, now.  Yet, for a hard and angry girl who’d been screaming at me all year, to softly come up and ask me to sign her book, hand me her class photo which she’d written a message on and who was smiling at me, was a big deal.  Wonderful!  I smiled back (though stunned inside) and signed away, happy I’d not listened to friends who said I was nuts.
This taught me a very strong lesson:

Trust in the change you can effect.

I’m not saying, let people walk all over you. Yet, if something calls you, and you do it, and it feels right, then listen to no one, and keep doing it until the result you are intending on comes:).  Intuition can take you to some fantastic places and peaceful atmosphere ranks right up there:).


I continue to follow what my intuition/gut feeling tells me to do, especially in these same kinds of situations. Whether it’s a bully, strange situation or something that just doesn’t feel right, I listen for the answers.  Talking to people can be important to get perspective, yet ..they aren’t you..  Teen or adult, these situations come up again and again. Perhaps with a different look on the outside, yet true to human nature,  very similar situations, regardless.

These days, it’s usually people being competitive which brings on the attempted bullying.  Yet, as I don’t believe in competition of this nature (that will be our next topic), I don’t take it seriously, and continue to.. “kill them with kindness”..

Keep effecting change and Trusting in you, always.

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